Freaking Out

I want to eat two fried chickens right now. I feel like this is the last week I'm ever going to be able to eat a meal.  I've planned my "Last Meal" for Tuesday and this is what it looks like:

Is is too much? I won't share, either.
They tell you not to have a last meal for three weeks prior to the surgery.  I have not been following the weight loss plan I had thought I would (substituting one meal with a high protein shake).  That hasn't worked out so well and I blame working the graveyard shift. Okay, I can only blame myself...damn it!
Although I have lost weight since I started this process, I think I could do better, but my brain is starting to freak out and the fat girl is fighting mighty hard to stay around.  
It's such a big change, but I look at all the people I know personally who have had the same operation I am going to have in 7 days, and they have all survived and are very, very happy.


You want to hear something really crazy?  I have this ridiculous thought spinning around my head that says: "What if I don't lose weight?"  That's not even possible, but I understand where the thought comes from because of all the other things I have done to lose weight in the past and none of them had any long term success.  I'm not used to seeing success with this sort of thing.


I'm going to start walking a little this week which will help my mind calm down and also get me prepped to be in better shape for the surgery. I am going to remind myself to breathe.


I'm going to ask for and accept hugs from my friends.